How to Grow a Business and a Family for Love, Livelihood and the Revolution
By Chavunduka and Steve Cobb
From the book, Blackeyed Peas for the Soul by Donna Marie Williams
1997

Our story is really two stories intertwined. It is the story of two independent, socially conscious musician-entrepreneurs who came together to make music. Our story is also about a marriage of not only two adults, but of eight prepubescent and adolescent people. Our relationship has been a grand social experiment. We are a tribe, a ready-made clan. We are thirteen strong now, a bonded family of eight children, ages twenty-four down to six, a grandmother, an uncle and a brother-in-law. Somehow we manage to make it work with a lot of give and take on both our parts.

We had known each other for years before we first came together romantically. Chavunduka was a single parent of sons, ages thirteen and eight. Steve had a son, fourteen, and a daughter, fifteen, who were not living with him. As musicians, we'd even worked gigs together (Cha sings, Steve plays drums, percussion and guitar). We had never considered each other as love interests, but we both were looking for love and experienced enough to know what we needed (and didn't need) in a relationship.

One day we both found ourselves working a wedding reception, of all things. After playing a set, we decided to slow dance and soon found ourselves trying to have a relationship. From that dance on, we spent a lot of time planning, talking and learning to accept each other. On weekends, to facilitate child care during Steve's late-night gigs, we unintentionally experimented with living together.

During the trials of our courtship, we also experimented with collaborative music projects. We were both headed in similar directions (we were producing independent recordings); thus we agreed to combine our resources and energy. One of us headed our own record label, the other a music production company. We were very cautious. We had each been working on our music careers before we met and were somewhat afraid of losing autonomy. But we pushed forward. Our initial collaborations were benefit concerts for the United Negro College Fund. Our first event was small and fairly successful. However, the next one nearly ruined our health and finances. We lost nearly $10,000. Steve developed a hyperthyroid condition, and Cha, pregnant throughout the ordeal, experienced morning, afternoon, and evening sickness. One of our most vivid memories of that period was of a late night "supper" at Kentucky Fried Chicken. We had been beating the pavement and passing out flyers. We were so hungry, but we could only afford one teeny, tiny chicken sandwich, which we shared. It was a bittersweet moment filled with intense love, commitment, hope, and fear. For years we have tried to find the lesson in that traumatic experience. We now believe that it was the challenge that showed us what we were made of; it also cemented our bond.

We were tested even further when we married and moved our families into one household. Initially our plan was to maintain two separate but closely related residences. A first-floor-second-floor relationship. Yes, we were very cautious. It didn't work, of course. We enjoyed being together too much.

But ours was not the typical marriage. Steve's not the typical husband. Cha's not the typical wife. First, there was a ready-made family of eight with an addition on the way. And to further complicate things we were both creative people, performing artists, with no steady income. We were entrepreneurs juggling our businesses, careers, and domestic life on this same groove. Unpredictable schedules and paychecks, eight personalities and a brand-new relationship-it's a wonder we made it, but with the support of a great mom/landlady, we at least had a place to live.

We struggled through issues of love, respect, trust, responsibility, discipline, household order, economics, spirituality, ideology, occupation, parenting techniques, personal space, his past, her past, our future and that of our children, knowing that for us and our community, the way we handled these challenges would represent a micro-example of the Black family's macro-possibilities.

In spite of our lofty ideals, there was often low-grade silent competition and the desire to be crowned the most learned, correct and wisest in all areas of living. Having grown up in different types of households, we each constantly compared and struggled to prove that his parent/her parent was correct in his/her childrearing practices. "I turned out okay, didn't I?" We realized at some point that it was the values of our upbringing(if not the practices) that we shared.

Our sons went though an intense sibling rivalry, which made the early days quite interesting, but they managed to establish a respect for each other that eventually grew into a bond. We were rarely required to intervene, as they were quite adept in shaping their relationships and carving their spaces, the older brothers coaching the younger. When the teenage daughter decided to come and live with us, yet another dynamic was added. Although we got along, the who-knows-the-most-the-best contest persisted. A lot of family meetings were held to discuss the concerns of the day, mostly revolving around household order, food ("Who drank all the juice?"), and invasions of personal space, usually Cha's. We were very fortunate in that no one in the family enjoyed conflict. So we were pretty careful in choosing our words and relied heavily on Steve's favorite counsel, "Never attack."

We also gave birth, at home, to a new baby girl. She knew her mission. It was to unite her family inextricably. We called her Mpatanishi, peacemaker. The whole family participated in the birthing process and we were connected forever.

It was during this time that Steve, having performed locally as a sideman, was called upon again to tour nationally. He rejoined Ramsey Lewis' group and traveled extensively- Japan, Europe, the Caribbean and all over the United States. The impact on the family was manifold. Financially speaking, the gig was a godsend. It was a semi-predictable paycheck. It also provided great exposure and access for Steve and hence our company. On the other hand, it often required single-parent management of our large booming household. Steve often missed important family occasions, including the birth of our second child. The long distance bills were large, and even though we missed each other tremendously, adjusting to being together became more difficult after each trip. Issues around personal space and autonomy kept coming up.